Chemo starts Thursday.

I don't know what to think anymore.

I called him at the mrt station, I didn't know why.

When I heard his voice, I just started to cry. I didn't know why either.

It was a selfish thing to do.

He started talking to me the way he talked to his patients.

I guess thats they only he knows to handle me.

It was only two study guides which costs $30.

What is the big deal anyway?

What is there to feel pressurised about?

Do you think I would want to see you fail, and not getting into the business school in December?

Why do you have to force me to lie to you, so that you can be guilt free?

Tired. Angry. Disappointed.

I don't mind the hard work, just that it has to be fair.

Don't take me for granted.

Don't think I treat everyone the same way.

I can be selfless, considerate, helpful, thoughtful and kind.

If you are not on my list, you don't deserve it.

Still recovering from cycle count last night.

Gloomy day.

I have only been awake for 5 hours today.

He is so handsome.

Good old Mera.

He has been turning up twice a day. He knows I have all kinds of flavours for him to choose from, he refused to eat until I got the flavors right.

He knows he can get away with it.

I spent sometime with him on the corridor after dinner.

I hope he will be well.

He showed me his hand, it was red and raw.

He told me it was from last night's game. I told him he needs to put some foam paddings on the racket handle. He said he had been gripping the racket too tightly during the volleys.

I felt so bad.

He is starting to do the Gmat maths questions, they are not easy, especially without calculator.

He is rather worried now.

Dang Spencer.

This morning, she sat on the kitchen table waiting to be Bach-ed.

Someone from his team has resigned, and there really will be no one else doing her job, except him. When he received her sms, he made a noise, and was visibly shaken. I had never seen him so spooked. I thought something bad had happened to his family. He said there is nothing he can do about it at all. He didn't tell me the details, but I guessed correctly in the end. That means they will be pushing for his transfer again, and he may not be able to say no anymore.

I don't like this news at all, though I still had to try to encourage him. I was grumpy for the whole afternoon, plus I was tired, and hypo.

During dinner, he told me a bit about his days as a poor student.

I don't think he has many friends either, and it made him the way he is.

I understand the process he had gone through, and his "closed " personality as a result.

I know he was proud of his experience, how he endured the hardship. I told him now that he is working, he should treat himself better, and just enjoy the things which he likes. I don't want him to suffer like in those days anymore. It hurts too much.

Nowadays he agrees with most of my decisions, which unsettles me.

I am not sure if he has managed to train me to be like him, or he just gives in to me because of my condition.

Played badminton today. Only for an hour though.

I partnered with a young staff against him.

He didn't play very well tonight. He used to be able to play for 2 hours non stop. The two guys still put up a good fight though, and he won the two games.

I did feel more energetic vs last week, better stamina. We had some good volleys.

Later he did say he admire me for my kind of energy. I was quite surprised, as I am a slug type of person.

Maybe the rabbit food and parrot diet are working.

Maybe I just want to live life to the max, when there is still time.

Dad sais Bh2 has a serious face.

I guess he is a serious cat, hence he has a serious face.

A relatively peaceful day, system held up.

But after handling stupid people, I rather have downtime any day.

At least I have an excuse for not speaking to them.

On another note, two girls are getting married next year. For bothe cases the men has not proposed yet.

I don't want you to do all the running jobs for me.

I just want you within my sight, just sitting there, to be around,

so that I will not be afraid.

Couldn't log into the system at 750am, and we knew it was a lost cause.

Luckily the girls just picked up from yesterday and started the downtime procedures, plus handling the left over cases from yesterday, as if they have been doing it all their lives. I am proud of them.

He called in at 8am, and rushed in as fast as he could to help. I knew he was frustrated, but there was nothing much we could do, except to tackle one problem at a time. He was upset that #1 didn't appear until 10am. I told him what does it matter, as long as I am here. I didn't see his response though. I am sure he made a face.

The CT scan appointment was at 1245pm, he shouted at me to get me to leave at 12pm.

For a change I didn't have to wait long. After two months, this was a first.

The IV line was painful. The contrast media tasted funny. Luckily the whole scan only took about 20 minutes. The dye didn't hurt as much as the radiographer said, and the chamber was less claustophobic than I imagined.

I went back to work after that, and ate a bit of lunch.

The system recovered slowly after 2pm.

I have been pee-ing non stop, I think it was due to the contrast media. I kept drinking water as well to wash the funny taste away.

I really hope the system will be OK tomorrow, my heart cannot cope with the stress anymore.

Of course I know my name!!

Autumn colors.

Fat ripe pear.

Fuzzy whiskers.

Pounce the sun.

He has decided to accept the scholarship. The course will take 2 years part time, and he will be bonded for 2 years.

He has to sit for GMAT, though TOEFL/ IELTS and the interview were deferred, in view of his current job.

Apparently it is something one really have to study for.

I guess I am happy for him. It seems to fit in with what he intends to do in the future. And it is unusual for the company to offer scholarship for this stream.

Uncle said the kitten has started to bully the adult cats in the foster home.

They give in to her because she is the youngest.

Kittens, they are fearless.

Early morning appointment at TTSH, for heart ultrasound, and blood test.

Got goo all over my chest, and one vial of blood drawn.

CT scan tomorrow. I am supposed to drink some funny looking and tasting liquid and I won't be able to pee for 4 hours.

Then I had breakfast. They ran out of fritatta, so I had ham and cheese on croissant.

System crashed at 1030am, and we were totally helpless. There was nothing we could do.

I kept telling #1 to announce to patients, to ask them to go home first and collect the meds later, as I did not know by when the system would come back on. And it was affecting all the terminals at all the branches.

She refused.

The waiting room became more crowded and crowded. And the patients were looking increasingly agitated.

The signages were not working, as most of the patients are old and illiterate anyway.

Finally I went out to the waiting area and started to tell the patient one by one. They could wait, until when I couldn't tell; or they could come back this afternoon, or the next day, or whenever. I myself hate waiting, and after going to hospitals for the last 2 months, I can understand the frustration and helplessness of waiting, with an empty stomach and full bladder.

I managed to speak to half of the crowds, then words got around, and they started to tell each other. The crowds became manageable again.

The system came back on at 2pm.

I am so exhausted.

But at least no patients shouted at us, or complained about system slowness. The staffs told me it is the first time ever.

They said it maybe the same thing again tomorrow.

I could only eat half of the chicken sandwich from Cedele for lunch, because it was so rock solid chewy hard. Plus 2 apples.

He finished all his sandwich though, without a crumb left. He had a training to conduct at 2pm, he did it without lunch.

I thanked all the staffs for their work today.

Sister S made dinner.

Vegetarian style pasta.

Photos taken of cats: 62

Cats spotted: 16

Hours slept: 14

Blogs read: 8

Rounds of laundry done: 4

Distance in Km cycled: 3

Hours napped: 2

Number of constructive things achieved: nil

Servings of vegetables eaten: too many

Not a bad weekend.

Spencer was bach-ed.

She napped for most of the day on her throne.

Big storm cometh.